Well I did not write anything in April because April was kind of a crappy month for me and I did not really have time. It started with my dad having a heart attack and needing open heart surgery and all the complications that came with that. It continued with friend of the blog, Jeremiah, getting spring fever and running away without saying goodbye so he could be with a lady toad. Things went downhill from there but that does not need to be rehashed on the internet.
So the Penguins lost last night and I’m kind of bummed. I mean I expect this kind of disappointment from teams from Ohio (read: Cleveland Cavaliers) but not from my Pittsburgh teams. But as I watched the first and second period from cubicle I realized there could only be one possible logical explanation for why a goalie as solid Marc-Andre could suddenly allow himself to be beaten like a rented mule repeatedly (I love hockey clichés). So what could be so diabolical that the Penguins defensive wall would play less like a champion and more like an awkward flightless bird with steel blades strapped to his feet?
French. Canadian. Mafia.
Take a minute to let that sink in, I know it is a strange concept. A lot of people do not know even realize there is a French-Canadian Mafia because they do not get as many headlines as say the Italian Mafia or the Russian Mafia or even the 3-6 Mafia. However, the FCM is way more insidious than any of those other groups. Where the Italians will break your legs and the Russians will cut off your testicles to get their points across the FCM will send in the clowns. Literally. Sad, French-Canadian clowns doing pantomime. On the surface that does not seem like it would be that bad but when you understand the average person goes insane if they do not get away from a croissant-eating mimes within minutes you can begin to see how a series than went on for two weeks could have adverse mental effects on those subjected to the horrors of the FCM and their mimes of doom. It makes way more sense than thinking that the lowly Canadiens simply outplayed and outlasted the Pens and Capitals by getting stellar performances from Mike Cammalleri, Hal Gill, Jaroslav Halak, et al. Beware the mimes!
C’est la vie. Now that hockey season is over, for me, and the Cavs are one loss away from elimination, and baseball bores me to tears, I can concentrate on my true sporting passion, college football (not to be confused with my one real passion, Mollie Alice). I will ask you this, dear reader, Ohio State Buckeyes: Great team or the greatest team ever?
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